idealis vs realis

dari hasil curhat2an bersama seorang teman yang sedang nun jauh di sana, kita jadi ngomongin soal betapa idealisnya orang2 yang baru lulus kuliah. bahkan idealisme itu tetap tertanam sampai beberapa waktu setelahnya.

gw ini dulu juga sempet merasa idealis. bahwa nanti kalo gw kerja harus bisa begini, harus bisa begitu, dan bahwa lingkungan gw akan mendukung idealisme yang gw usung.

dan gw salah besar... (tentunya)

gw melihat betapa ga bisanya menjalankan idealisme yang gw yakini. dan itu membuat gw harus berubah menjadi seorang yang realis supaya bisa hidup di kondisi yang serba ga ideal ini.

tapi sayangnya gw ga melihat teman2 gw dari jurusan yang sama seperti itu.. gw melihat mereka masih terkungkung dalam idealisme yang mereka punya (meski ga semua kaya gini). mereka membuat gw menjadi jengah. jengah karena gw udah realistis, tapi mereka masih idealis. kalo cuma ketemu satu dua orang yang idealis sih gapapa lah ya, pembicaraan masih bisa dibelok2an sehingga menjadi tidak terlalu menjurus ke soal idealisme, tapi begitu udah berbanyak..widih, bisa2 gw merasa terasing sendiri -___-"

gw bukannya ga suka sama temen2 gw itu, gw seneng2 aja kalo bisa ngumpul2, update gosip, update kabar terbaru dari masing2 yang ga pernah ngasih kabar.. tapi ya itu, cape kalo udah ngomongin idealisme..

menurut gw emang bagus kalo orang punya idealisme masing2 yang dia yakini benar, tapi alangkah baiknya jika dia juga liat2 kondisi sekitar. kadang2 idealisme yang kita punya hanya perlu dipindahkan saja koq tempatnya tanpa harus menghilangkan sisi idealis itu.

ini juga menjadi salah satu alasan kenapa gw lebih sering memenangkan kumpul2 bersama temen2 gw yang lain. beberapa temen gw yang lain itu realis, or at least kalaupun mereka sebenernya idealis, kalo udah lagi kumpul2 santai ya ga pernah ditunjukkin sisi idealisnya. santai aja, have fun ngomongin hal2 lain..

dan setelah kumpul2 bawaannya seneng, ga ada beban, karena obrolan yang tercipta ya kalo ga nostalgia masa lalu (alias mentertawakan betapa cupunya kami dulu) ya ketawa2 ga jelas atas apapun yang diomongin saat itu..

miss those moments..really..

enjoy the saturday night

malam ini gw ga kemana2.. sesuatu yang belakangan jarang gw lakukan. biasanya adaaaa aja kegiatan/jalan2 ampe hampir ga pernah diem di rumah kalo malming. tapi hari ini gw memutuskan untuk diam di rumah.

selain karena bonyok lagi ga ada, dan kakak gw pergi, gw emang entah kenapa lagi males. eh, tangan gw lagi sakit juga sih, kalo nyetir rada menyiksa, jadi daripada kesakitan di jalan mending gw diem di rumah aja deh. soalnya tadi siang udah sempet keluar dan cukup menyiksa selain karena macet juga karena tadi nyari suatu tempat yang mungkin udah 10 tahun ga pernah gw datengin.. jadi gw sempet nyasar, modal ga mau nanya sama orang main belok2 ngandelin feeling. untung ketemu jalannya :P

lumayan, pengalaman baru ke daerah yang dulu banget pernah didatengin waktu masih kecil, sambil berangan2 nanti jas si-calon-suami-yang-blom-ketemu-ini bakal model kaya gimana yah? :P

dan hari ini juga dengan suksesnya gw merusak jam makan. hal yang sering gw lakukan waktu masih kuliah. yang namanya lagi wiken, bangun pasti siang, sarapan banyak, yang ada pas jam makan siang ga laper, jadi lunch-nya telat, kadang jam 3 ato jam 4 baru lunch, begitu jam makan malem ga laper, tapi menjelang tidur laper, akhirnya pas jam dinner telat dikit dipaksain makan sesuatu..

yak, itulah yang gw lakukan sekarang.. dinner gw malam ini hanyalah sepotong kue.. memang bergula tinggi, tapi ini aja udah rada ga niat karena ternyata kenyang perutnya, tapi mulutnya pengen..

kebiasaan yang sungguh teramat buruk tapi tetep aja kadang masih dilakukan :P

oh, dan gw hari ini beli sepatu (lagi!) kali ini mary jane shoes, tapi bahan sneakers. ah, tapi ada alasannya (mulai beralasan ga penting), sepatu gw ada yang rusak.. dan gw cuma punya satu sneakers dan ga cukup kalo nanti gw tiap hari mesti pake sneakers gara2 di tempat kerja kondisinya ga memungkinkan kalo gw pake sepatu cewe biasa yang bagus2 itu..

tadinya udah tergoda buat beli warna pink.. tapi sneakers gw warna pink.. jadi akhirnya gw beli warna putih pake aksen biru, yang satunya lagi putih aksen shocking pink dan buat gw itu a big no-no.. ga matching sama baju2 gw yang warnanya rata2 kalem :P

hmmm... enak juga santai2 di rumah, sambil donlot2 lagu dan drama.. abis itu sambil nunggu donlotan kelar main game dan baca novel sambil dengerin lagu yang baru aja didonlot.. perfecto! :3

tidur jam berapa yah malam ini? xD

eating alone

because my parents are out for couple of days, i have to eat alone. outside. because it's too tiresome to prepare food after 1 hour driving at jakarta. and when it's time to come back home, usually i have got hungry, so waiting for an hour or more will torture me.

that's why i decided to go out. yesterday, i ate with my colleague. today, i planned to eat with my friend, but unfortunately she couldn't leave from work early so i went out alone. not to the mall near my workplace. i went to a small restaurant near office, because i'm craving of kwey tiaw. the best kwey tiaw in town is at gading, but again, it's a nuisance to go a place faraway from office just to eat and then go back home. and moreover, i have to eat alone. so i don't want to go somewhere far.

and the experience of eating alone because you have to is not as bad as i imagined. it's been two years since i have to eat alone. usually i eat with my family (though because i come home late, i used to eat alone, but my mom usually sit beside me, keep me accompany) or with my friends.

it made me think.. about how lonely it'll be if i go abroad. either for study or for work. i want to have another experience but am i ready for that? you'd expect nothing but being alone in unknown country. well, you'll find friends as time goes by, but being with people that have known you for years is not the same with being with people you barely know.

it is quite an interesting experience actually. yet i'm afraid. i am trapped in an eggshell. right now i don't want to leave it. but at the same time i want to..

but someday i have to go from home, experience something new. wider my horizon and experience..

please don't

my mellow period is kicking in.. and don't ask me why or how.. i just don't know..i could blame it to my hormonal cycle. i could blame it to the stress i got at work. i could blame it to other things that happened now in my life. but i don't know exactly what is the cause of it all.

i envy someone..nah, envy might not be the right word to describe it.. maybe i just want someone to see me as i am and tell me that i'm good enough..for him. for her. for them. not just sweet words by telling me that i'm good, i'm strong, i'm kind.. it just never enough. never. am i asking too much? am i greedy?

i feel that i'm walking on a rope, waiting to fall, or still walking until the end of the road. i am holding my balance but in the same time i'm losing it. and it's all dark around me. a pitch black. and i'm hoping to see some light. just a tiny light to guide my way.

i don't want to become faithless one more time. once is enough. enough to teach me how it feels to be hopeless and meaningless. enough to teach me to be angry to the one that create it all.

i miss the time that i felt that i'm useful and alive. i don't know why that i felt empty. and indeed need someone to fill the emptiness.

maybe i'm just asking too much...

(maybe) over budget

hadoooohh.. gw udah coba bikin itinerary plan selama liburan, tapi pas dihitung2.. koq over budget?? T___T gaswat nih..ada yang mesti dikurangin, dan yang pasti biaya makan mesti ditekan serendah mungkin yg gw bisa..

liat2 di kaskus, tiket USS 66SGD tuh udah termasuk voucher makan 10SGD dan souvenir 5SGD, jadi yah, biaya lunch di USS bisa ditekan hingga separo.. lumayan.. yang gw mesti teken lagi lunch ma dinner di luar nih.. gw emang siapin budget sekitar 35 SGD buat lunch+dinner sih, tapi kan ga lucu kalo lebih.. moga2 cukup (ato bahkan ada lebihnya jadi bisa buat belanja2 yang laen)

dan temen gw udah janji mau take day off on thursday when i come there.. yay! then we will go to underwater world the day after :D

but, i have to revise my itinerary since i plan to go to underwater world on wednesday.. and oh, on monday there's a lot of places that are closed, so i have to reschedule my itinerary carefully..

where to go on monday?

*thinking hard*

planning an itinerary

i'm so excited about my upcoming holiday :D:D:D

next month, i'll be having training on the-tool-that-i'd-be-using-for-the-next-couple-years at oz, and then i take my leave for a week, going to sg

as you all have known, the universal studio has opened in sg, and that is definitely one of my major reason coming to sg. i've never been to disneyland and it was sooooo long ago that i went to movie world at goldcoast. so, this one is really attracting me to come.

fortunately, my friend in sg promises to accompany me to universal, so i won't be there alone :P

but she couldn't accompany me for the other days, so i have to go on my own. and i began googling anything about sg attractions and tourism spots and start planning the itinerary and of course the cost of it all.

i have four full days for go here and there, one day for going to universal, one day to jurong, one day to sentosa (again) and to several gardens and museum, one day to several other places (that i forgot :P), and then i have several hours on arrival day to visit cathedrals, and several hours on departure day to visit kinokuniya..

it's not finish yet...

3 bank accounts

hari ini buka bank account baru..gajiannya pindah dari cimb ke bni..hah, gw jadi punya 3 bank accounts gara2 buka bni..

kenapa ga ditutup aja cimb-nya?

soalnya gw lagi bikin tabungan berjangka yang baru kelar 1 tahun 10 bulan lagi

ya udah, yang satu lagi aja yang ditutup..

ga bisa juga, soalnya biar yang pertama itu tabungannya tipis tapi berguna dimana-mana..dan hampir semua orang yang pernah gw transferin ato pernah transfer ke gw punya itu..

ya udah, punya 3 aja..

iya, tapi kan rese, kebanyakan, ga guna..

trus maunya gimana?

ya ga ada cara lain selain menunggu tabungan berjangkanya kelar, trus tutup cimb-nya..

ini semua gara2 dapet pinjaman duit dari bni, konsekuensinya semua pegawai jadi kena kebijakan apapun yang diambil perusahaan yang dijanjiin ke bni-nya

ada untungnya sih.. gw bisa apply cc bni trus bisa manfaatin diskon2annya..moga2 diapprove aplikasi cc gw..

moga2 abis ini ga ganti bank lagi..

deodorant

i'm always having problems with sweats. i do sweats a lot, that even still early in the morning my dress could be wet. and it's really not good. i realized that i would become smelly in the afternoon with the constant sweating and sometimes the air-con is not functioning properly.

a long time ago, when i started using deodorant, my mom bought marks & spencer for both of us. and then when monetary crisis came, we stopped buying m&s because it's too expensive (the price increased about 200%). and then we tried the other brands (i don't remember exactly what brands we used one by one) and when i went to college i tried to use rexona (thanks to the heavy and intensive ad). and i grew fond of it...

until i found that it made my clothes became yellowish and couldn't solve my sweating problems in jakarta..

so, i was thinking of changing the brand again.. and have looked into several brands like body shop, face shop, adidas, dove and of course m&s.

but, before i decided which one to buy, my mom gave me one unknown brand deodorant.. and i don't like its smell :( but i have to endure because i haven't bought a new one.. and it's such a waste if i just throw away the new one right after buying another..

then i waited for a month.. and i found that though my clothes didn't become yellowish, this deodorant didn't solve my sweating problems (moreover, it became worse because this deodorant is in stick not liquid)

and this just assured me to buy m&s deodorant.. but unfortunately, the stock was empty in PI.. ugh, i had to wait more..

after a week or two, finally i found it, and bought it, and right after that, use the m&s deodorant.. it smells good, and solved my sweating problems.. and i'm so happy with it :D

i think i would never change my deodorant again (maybe i would change the flavor, not the brand) :D